Alexander McQueen High Tops

I am so fucking Italian Vogue avant garde accessories spread right now. It's high meets low. The shoes are high and I'm low. I got these beauties a couple of months ago and I still haven't worn them. I want to be buried in white high tops. One of my friends is always telling me to stop buying white high tops but I keep telling him to go and fuck himself with his forest green suede desert boots.

The McQueens are fantastic. They're a shade big so I got some insoles from the supermarket. They've got velcro straps instead of laces so they should be pretty handy when I'm 75 and JUST CANT BE BOV'D

I also had a go at trying to buy shoes that cost less than $100. It didn't go terribly well. I bought two pairs from an ASOS sale. Both were 60 clams each. I got a grey pair of canvas mid-tops by Fred Perry and they got destroyed in a day. I popped them on and cycled to work then it poured down with rain and they got covered in mud. They also had a ridiculous suede trim that I failed to notice when I bought them. Suede is the most ill-suited fabric for shoes. Once a drop of any liquid hits suede then its all over and you can chuck them on your compost heap.

The other pair are white Puma high tops. They're interesting but I don't think I could wear them in public. Maybe if I met a guy who is into wearing sports gear while fucking then they'd definitely be suitable. Kinda like this guy....

And then we'd have wild Showgirls pool sex

Best Fashion Haul Video Ever

Seriously though, was this video directed by Christopher Guest?

Lady Gaga September Vogue Cover Review

The September issues are coming so I thought, fuck, why not review them? They're the most important issue for a magazine so why not judge?

US Vogue got Lady Gaga wearing a patchwork fuchsia gown by Marc Jacobs for their 120th anniversary cover. This is a great cover for US Vogue. I'm so used to seeing a portrait shot of an actress evoking Hollywood glamour, usually shot by Mario Testino. So bland. I recently picked up their May issue for six bucks with Scarlett Johansson and it's basic bitch glamour is predictably boring.

My only criticism of the Gaga cover is the excessive air brushing and strange blue/purple tone to her face and hair. The red banner running through the mast head is a nice touch too.

The Australian Harpers Bazaar cover isn't awful but it's such a testament to the power of advertising. Louis Vuitton got the first pages of advertising for this issue so it would seem that also got them the cover. Constance Jablonski graces the cover in top to toe Louis Vuitton in arguably one of Jacobs' worst collections. Those fucking hats by Stephen Jones are a travesty. Dour, frumpy and outdated. The worst part though is the caption at the bottom: Constance Jablonski wears Louis Vuitton. I mean, what? This is the worst corporate branding I've seen in a while. Is it not enough that Louis Vuitton paid to get the cover but they presumably demanded a caption too. It's just too much and then they cap the whole cover off with the ballsy statement 'The New Elegance' which makes me want to roll it up and use it to fuck myself in the ass.