Hot Messes At The Met Ball

The Met annual ball (which is really just an excuse for Anna Wintour to get a new Chanel outfit and a facelift (srsly, bitch looks younger than me!) was a bubbling pot of tulle, silk, lace and fucking horrible judgement.

It wasn't all bad but fuck me sideways most of it was. So here's my list of fuck-ups, let-downs, bores and a few that were cool.

THE GOOD...


Amber Valletta in RM By Roland Mouret. Simple and elegant. Fantastic colour

Above: Zoe Saldana and Diane Kruger in Kalvin Klein. I love the long sleeves. And who the fuck wears white and pulls it off?

Kirsten Dunst in Rodarte for Gap.


Above: Mila Kunis. I just like Mila Kunis


I Hate to say it but J-lo looks really pretty. Like a cholita fairy princess

Lily Donaldson above. Not sure what she's wearing but it's got long sleeves and I love it.
UPDATE: zomg! It's Jessica Stam, not Lily Donaldson!!! Thanks AddictedtoYSL for spotting that pps y'all need to read her blog, she buys fabulous shoes. Click HERE bitches

Above: Carolina Herrerra looking old school chic. White opera gloves? Amaze

Above: Demi Moore. I just like Demi Moore. Nicole Kidman should take notes from her on successful plastic surgery. No scary third lips sprouting from this woman.


Above: Chloe Sevigny in Proenza Schouler. Cute dress, difficult colour. Sexy shoes.

Above: Chanel Iman in a Michael Kors jumpsuit. She looks so sexy and chic and effortless. And below I don't know who this is but she looks amazing. After the ball I imagine she took a yacht to Africa to pick up some blood diamonds-or is that Naomi Campbell?

Below: Brit girl Alexa Chung in 3.1 Philip Lim. Cute. More girls need to dress like this.

THE BAD...dun dun

Above: SJP in Halston. Yeah you're some creative director for Halston, you've got a movie to shill, yadda yadda yadda yawn.

Above: This is a double whammy. Karolina Kurkova in Altuzarra. How did this look good on the runway? It's not terrible but those fucking shoes! Get a clue. And behind her we have what's her name..oh yeah, Rosario Dawson in.....I can't think, Giambattista Valli. The colour is nice but the black band right across the nipples is wrong.


Above: I think this is Joy Bryant in Marchesa. I just don't know about this one. It's kinda ugly but she looks so happy

Above: Nicholas Ghesquiere with muse Charlotte Gainsbourg in Balenciaga. If you've read my blog you'll know I want to have babies with Ghesquiere but this just isn't doing it for me.

Above: Love Emma Watson. Hate front splits. Thanks Burberry

Above: Tina Fey. This bitch just doesn't get a break. Why is it so badly fitted in the leg?
Below: Carey Mulligan in Miu Miu. This is so off the rack and Tribeca Film Festival.

THE UGLY...dun dun dun
Above: It's only fitting that I start THE UGLY with Anna Wintour. There really isn't anything beautiful about what she's wearing. She wore silver Chanel couture last year as well. The jacket length is very mother of the bride and the dress is very, I don't know, curtain showroom? Atleast it draws attention away from her newly minted face. What does she use, Pledge?


Above: Mick Jagger. It's enough seeing office bitches power walking to work in a dress suit and runners but this is so wrong. I think Scott Schumann just fainted. Above: Ivanka Trump. I saw an interview with her once and she's really smart so why would she wear such a fucking ugly dress?
Above: Margherita Missoni. The head bracelet junk alone did it for me

Above: Kristen Stewart in Chanel. I really hate this cunt and I think Karl Lagerfeld does too. Why else would he design her half a dress? And what's with the top half? Is that a chintz cushion cover? Look at that stupid face of hers. Ugh, she's so infuriating. I saw an interview with her and Dakota Fanning for The Runaways. She was all like, vague and hand running through her hair every minute, faux-disinterested cesspool of Hollywood cliche.


Above: Eva Longoria-Parker. Can you believe she's wearing Marchesa? Oh, you can.

Above: Coco Rocha in what I'm certain is Zac Posen. Too OTT. It's like an orca whale took a dump on her.

Above: Allegra Beck-Versace. Poor thing really needs help. Her right arm is frightening. My dream would be to take her to KFC. We'd both get the extreme burger meal and I'd be like see Allegra, it's ok to eat. Then she'd be like, look I have a disease and this isn't helping. And who are you anyway?

2 comments:

addictedtoysl said...

The person you tagged as Lily Donaldson is actually Jessica Stam.
But yeah, dresses with long sleeves are nice.
Overall, a lot of the looks were boring.

NIGEL NO TRENDS said...

Oh shit, did I? Clearly I have no fucking clue. Thanks for that :)

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